She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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