I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
