So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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