may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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