omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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