btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
