I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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