are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
