it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
