Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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