i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dicks are not precious.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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