ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
