Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ketchup is God's man juice
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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