Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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