david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
