exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
