I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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