I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
