My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I see more hoeing in ur future
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