I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
