She just used a chaser for red wine.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
