dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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