someone get that fucking seahorse.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize