Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
