At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
