I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
