If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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