I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
