she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
