I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Enjoy the penises
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
