Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
