My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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