He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
