I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
