overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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