if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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