you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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