they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
