he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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