my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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