did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
one might say we're banned from that church
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
