She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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