She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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