I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize