I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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