just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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