I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
