Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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