I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
