Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
