There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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