If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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