I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
