he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
