So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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