It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
