I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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