I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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