I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
