We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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