apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
