Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
