my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize