I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
