i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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