white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize