To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
