god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize