You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
