dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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