I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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