Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
